Seriously
by Ordis
Summary: In which everything that happens in The Avengers is really a big try out to see if the team put together by Nick Fury is going to work. Agent Loki is not pleased to learn the good guys never got the memo. Written for Norsekink.


**Disclaimer: **Nothing from this Marvelous universe is mine. Not even the story idea ;)

**Summary: **Written for Norsekink:

_When Loki fell to Earth at the end of Thor, SHIELD found and employed him. So everything that happens in The Avengers is really a big try out to see if the team put together by Nick Fury is going to work._

+1 Natasha finds out and she is complety unaffected.

+10 Loki being really pissed out at Nick Fury for letting the Avengers beat the crap out of him instead of telling them they were actually on the same side.

+10000000000 PLEASE fix coulson's death.

* * *

**Seriously**

The battered figure limped down the corridor, eyes darting green fire at any of the staff unfortunate enough to get in his way.

"Uhm, are you-"

"Get _out _of my way, mortal."

Wisely the mortal did.

He headed with purpose to a steel door and knocked three times, deliberately and unhurriedly. It remained shut.

"Fury, you have three seconds to open that door or it will shortly bear an uncanny resemblance to a rotten eggplant."

Three. Two. One. He raised a hand.

The door swung open.

The dark man was there, but with him were Barton and Romanov. Honestly, at this point Loki couldn't bring himself to care. An absent wave later and the archer's bow had been shifted into a yellow duckling. The girl wasn't attacking. Smart.

"A trial run," he bit out, before the austere director could open his mouth, "A trial run with a couple of hundred aliens to see if your superheroes were up to saving the world. The world. They weren't up to saving one _city_. And you let them do _this_ to me?"

Fury had the grace to look apologetic.

"I didn't anticipate,-"

"Oh I know."

"I assumed you'd teleport," Fury says.

"Teleport? With the portal open? I'd have been splattered like a dropped plate of scrambled eggs on a sidewalk. Not that being smashed about like a two-year-old's plaything was much better."

"What the fuck, Fury?" Barton said.

"Barton this is not the time."

"The fuck it's not. What does he mean, 'trial run'?"

"Yes, just when _were _you planning on telling your little group I work for you?"

Fury groaned.

"Later, Agent Laufeyson, later."

"He's an _agent_?"

"Yes, Barton, I am. And to think I was actually _flattered_ when I was told, 'I need someone to arrange a teamwork test for a group of superheroes'. I got a couple of hundred creatures together about as chaotically evil as the Yuuzhan Vong. Do you know the sort of effort that takes? And I played my part to the hilt. I assumed they _knew _it was a test. So I'll ask again, Fury, when exactly were you planning on telling them?"

The director was silent.

"Eighty deaths in two days. Eighty. You planned this Sir?"

"Frankly Barton, it was a price I was prepared to pay to get the lot of you working as a team. Because next time it won't be planned. Next time we will need a faster response strategy than insults to world domination."

"And Coulson?" Barton demanded, voice choked.

A shadow flickered across Fury's face.

"He died for something he believed in," he said after a long pause, "He knew the risks."

Loki blinked.

"You thought I'd killed Coulson?" he demanded with sudden insight.

Five eyes snapped to his face.

"Truthfully?"

Fury's wasn't the only face which was tellingly blank.

"Director, allow me to assure you that the only thing endangering Coulson's health at the current time will be the knowledge of what you did to his vintage collector cards."

"Who the hell told me it would only ever work if-," Fury broke off.

"Oh, that. A random agent I masked," Loki admitted callously, "Honestly, though. Coulson? He introduced me to the realm of _Star Wars_."

"... "

"What the fuck was the mind-control then?" Barton demanded.

"I needed _someone _competent on the bad side. Honestly, if I'd wanted to destroy you do you really think I wouldn't have blown up the fourth engine with the other three? My tactics were appalling. And I shifted my eyes," he pointed for emphasis at the jade orbs, "I shifted them to blue and I behaved like a melodramatic maniac. And no one even tried to see if I'd been mind-controlled as well."

He sounded peeved. He _was_ peeved.

"To be fair, Thor did imply that was your normal state," Barton offered.

Loki glared at him.

Then he turned to Fury.

"I'm not going back to Asgard. I don't care what it does to your reputation. You _will _tell Thor and his little friends about this before I get hit with venom for three centuries."

Fury sighed. But he nodded reluctantly.

Romanov spoke at last. There was a flicker of respect in her eyes.

"It was never about the Hulk."

Loki smiled.

"No."

Barton was glaring at him.

Fury was looking at nothing, doubtlessly contemplating the task of telling four annoyed superheroes this had all been a training exercise.

And Romanov? She rose and made her way over to him.

"Welcome to the team, I guess."


End file.
